What have you been putting off doing? Why?
EVERYTHING!!
Dishes … laundry … returning a call to my mom, who has been calling for 2 days but I don’t have the strength to pick up the phone and utter the word ‘hello’.
I’ve been putting off hanging a pile of shirts in our closet, but hey, at least it’s all clean..
I’ve been putting off some photo editing as well. I have a little over 120 pictures needing to be uploaded to my laptop, and sorted then edited but I haven’t been able to get in a clear frame of mind to even be able to think about it.
I’ve also been putting off something else… asking for help, telling somebody … because I anticipate that things will get a lot worse if I do. Depression has flooded every part of me, both physically and mentally. I have very little control over what enters my mind. From terrifying images that flash without warning to lines from songs that get stuck on repeat, over and over and over to absolute silence.
A couple of ppl know I’m not well but they aren’t in any position to help. My psychiatrist is out of the country until the new year. I have no more options. Unless … I go to my family doctor. Tell her how severe my insomnia has become. But I’ve been putting it off because …
I’m scared. I’m scared of having to answer any questions she may have because I really don’t want to talk about the fear, the dreams, the feelings, the memories …….
Her Complex Musings 
I can relate to that feeling. Everything just feels too overwhelming. I’ve had episodes in the where I’ve felt like life isn’t worth it but being too scared to reach out because people would worry or not know what to do or suggest too many things to help. I found, (annoyingly) things go better if you ask for help sooner than trying to handle it alone. My advice would be is be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not getting things done (I know because I still do it sometimes). Also, the first step to getting help is always hard but sometimes the right choices are the scariest because you know how important they are. You made it this far, even had the courage to post it on here. I think you’re stronger than you think. If you really need help quickly, there should also be a suicide hotline you can call (some have a text service) in your country. Hope you feel better soon, even if it’s just a little. Depression is tough.
LikeLike