It is what it is. This entire situation. Right now, I need to calm down, take a breath, and stop striving to be the one in control of everything. Pain is inevitable but all of this suffering is optional! I’m always going to have various painful experiences. We all will.
But I am creating needless suffering for myself today by dwelling on my current situation and telling myself how unfair this all is. I’m in the hospital on a psyc ward and I don’t want to be. They say I’m a voluntary patient. But when I refused the new medication the dr wanted me to take and again when I requested to be discharged, I was threatened with a certification (where I would no longer be voluntary and would lose all freedom to have any say whatsoever in my treatment). I’m only creating more anger within myself and thus causing more suffering by letting this fester.
Its time I accept that I have no control over this situation right now. The facts are that i’m here in hospital, I’m not well, I don’t have a very good track record for making healthy decisions, the doctors are smarter than me and I am craving peace.
So I am just going to lie here, breathing deeply, while I simply accept that in this moment I am doing the best I can with what I’ve got. Lying quietly in this hospital bed is not easy for me but right now its exactly what I have to do. And that’s ok.
Her Complex Musings 