A recent comment left on a previous post has had me thinking about my emotions.
It needs to come out sometimes. It’s just that I have such a hard time expressing strong emotions. Well, pretty much ANY emotion really, no matter its strength. ESPECIALLY in the presence of another person. I’m so afraid of making the other person uncomfortable that when strong emotions start to surface it’s like I start to just shut down.
But occasionally, like what happened during the recent Ketamine infusion part of my pain treatment, it’s like the emotion just erupts from depths I never knew existed inside of me. Most often it’s a sense of soul-crushing grief.
I envy ppl who are emotional. Actually, it’s the expression of emotions that I envy. Because I have all the same emotions. I just have trouble expressing them. I have an amazing poker face it seems. An impassive expression on my face could easily be what gut-wrenching pain looks like on me that day.
I am such a complex creature.
🦋
Her Complex Musings 
Yay! So glad you feel the same way ‘We learn from each other’ 100% 💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was a comment from you that actually sparked this post! You were talking about the grief in my Ketamine post and you said it needs to be felt. Grief seems to be flooding my system right now. Grief that was never felt in the past. Ptsd is funny like that. It brings about things when you least expect it.
I am glad you have been able to tap into anger through writing. Anger is a scary one for me. Well, most emotions are scary, tbh. But I feel a shifting taking place in me lately. It’s like there’s been a system overload. There’s no room for anything else inside of me And things are starting to spill over.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never apologize for commenting! I love hearing from you. Love the interaction. We learn from each other! ♡♡♡
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello- yes, it’s me again! I hope you don’t mind me leaving so many comments. I am just very appreciative of finding others who are also dealing with the after effects of trauma and dissociation. I might stop commenting for a while at least to give you a break!
I have absolutely also been dealing with numbness in place of emotional literacy, so this post hits me in the feels. The thing that has been slowly changing this block for me is listening out for any feeling of discomfort and opening the door wider to give a voice to that discomfort. I have found a rageful voice that I didn’t know I had because any anger was unacceptable in my childhood environment. I can only make contact with it through the written word so far, but it’s truly a blessing to access some kind of authentic emotional reaction. I hope that your journey opens the door to your emotional landscape in a way that allows you to feel supported during that process – you so deserve to be connected to, and free to express, your own authentic emotions.
LikeLiked by 1 person