This Is What Happens When I Lose My Balance

When you ride a bike, the only way to keep moving is to maintain balance.  Right now, my balance has been lost. (Did I ever even have it to begin with?) I’m tired of running and always searching for an escape from my thoughts. Escaping seems to be the only way I can make things any better …

The familiar cloud of depression has enveloped me once again in recent days. This is how it usually goes. I feel decent, even hopeful, for a while, and something happens to trip me up and I fall flat on my face. I don’t just feel sad. I feel like I am dying inside. It’s like a cancer has begun to consume my brain, each thought bringing more and more destruction with it …

This morning, both mind and body feel pretty close to reaching the limit of what it can tolerate. It feels like my world is running out of oxygen. Desperation is setting in ….

🦋