Mental illness is so isolating. Your entire life becomes consumed with the illness, with treatment and survival. I find it so hard to be separated from other people and their joy in living. It is like a dark cloud hanging over my head all the time and I don’t want to infect anyone else with it, so I stay away .
I love seeing people happy and enjoying life but it’s like I live on an entirely different planet sometimes. Social media has become bittersweet. It provides me with a much-needed connection to other human beings, but it is also a harsh reminder of all the things I can’t do.
Being intentional about gratitude helps. It takes work. And like anything, it takes practice. The last thing you’re going to want to do when you see pictures of your peers having fun on a family vacation is to stop and be grateful. Especially when you feel like your own life is just a pile of ashes.
But I have to. I have to cling to whatever I can to be grateful for. Its mind over matter sometimes.
Her Complex Musings 