The desire to reach out and connect with ppl is huge but there’s another part of me that wants to run for dear life and never speak to another human being ever again. My need for connection is so BIG and so the fear of not being met where I am, or worse, being completely ignored, or in some way rejected, just feels too much.
It’s ridiculous. I’m so sensitive to even the slightest hint of rejection. Even just subtle shifts in energy – and suddenly it’s a disaster. Any normal person wouldn’t even notice this stuff. It’s probably not even there! Ugh …
Lonely
Her Complex Musings 
It took many years to reimagine myself. Also Neurographica and ecstatic dance are part of my routine to help break out of the default mode. We are not taught properly about what we are and the world around us and it takes many years to unschool and reeducate oneself 🙂 Good luck! You’re on the right path!
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Wow! I resonate with this so much! I have also been seeking out meditation (and prayer) to help myself. I’m experiencing some sort of shift. I feel it. I see it. Letting go of the ego, and discovering your true identity, sounded so appealing at first. But, my goodness. This journey, its all new and exciting and terrifying for me. It has been ripping my heart and soul to shreds. The Dark Night is very real. I love how you described this divine light to be impenetrable to any criticism and has no fears. Wow. I wish I felt that! I admire you. Sounds like you’ve invested a lot of time and effort to achieve that shift you mentioned. 🙂
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I know exactly how you feel! I was at exactly the same spot. To help myself, I meditated very deeply on what I considered my identity, the sense of self. With time, there’s been a shift from the ego and the body to the divine energetic presence that I always feel. This divine light is impenetrable to any criticism and has no fears. And that’s truly what we are, divine grace 🙂
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