Gently talking to ourselves with love and respect is hard. Especially when we’ve been conditioned to talk like its someone we hate.
The healing journey is all about rebuilding – or maybe its about building for the first time – a safe relationship with ourselves.
Spoiler alert: it takes a minute and its really awkward. 100% worth it tho!
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
Sometimes all I want is a little comfort. Just a tiny sliver of it for a few short moments and I would be grateful. Because the ache of missing someone is just so incredibly intense. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. In fact I haven’t wanted to physically move at all. I did manage to move myself from my bed to the patio outside, where I curled up on the bench and spent hours just staring up at the sky. The sun was perfection. The temperature was perfection. The occasional perfect breeze blew across my face, just enough to remind me to take another breath. Secretly though, I wanted nothing more than to stop. Breathing I mean. To stop … existing.
The thoughts and feelings are haunting me every single minute that I’m awake. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to fake a smile, because the emotions are way too close to the surface and it feels like the tears are about to slip out at any minute …
But no, thanks. I have managed to come this far today. I’ve made it past 5:30. So I just want to eat some hot soup. Or maybe I can manage some toast instead. But please, please don’t make me go anywhere. I’m just so tired. I know this feeling is temporary and that it will pass, just like the rain that was falling out here last night.
It’s just that sometimes that old familiar longing to have you alive, back here on earth and back in my life again takes me off guard because nothing can ever replace a friend once suicide takes her away. 💔
People don’t realize how much courage it takes to keep yourself from sinking into the dark pit of self hatred and negativity. To mentally remove yourself from a painful situation. To pick up all of your pieces from the ground, trusting that this process will eventually heal your wounds.
I know you’re feeling drained and exhausted right now, but you have to keep believing that things are going to get better.
I know you’re soul is tired, you’re mentally drained, and emotionally you feel broken, but the fact that you’re still breathing says a lot about that fighter inside of you. She’s still in there.
You’re allowed to be tired, but you must learn how to rest without giving up. You’re a work in progress and you have a future waiting for you.
So please hold on for just a little bit longer. I know you can do this!
You must understand that sometimes there will be days that you’re not in the mood to talk to anyone, even if it’s your family and your closest friends.
You will want to ignore talking in person, on phone calls, on text msgs, even on social media.
Not because you don’t care and not because you’re in a bad mood either but because sometimes your mind and body will just crave silence.
Sometimes, your soul will need silence for you to figure things out.
I want you to know that if you find yourself spacing out and distancing yourself from everyone it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad or mean person. You’re a human and it’s okay if you have a meltdown. Life can be a lot and sometimes it just becomes too much. You don’t owe anyone any explanations for choosing to prioritize what your soul needs and deserves.
Do what you have to do to reset and recharge then get back up and go again.
We got this!
I wrap the blanket tighter around my chest
And whisper to myself …
I am strong
I am beautiful
I dream of the woman I wish I could be
Strong and confident
Happy and …
Free
I don’t recognize myself today
This person in the mirror staring back at me …
Where did she come from?
Is that …
Me?!
I’m fighting voices in my head
Telling me that I’m not enough
I’m not pretty, and I’m broken
I’m not worthy of love
The voices in my head are telling me
To give up
But I keep fighting.
Words …
They can cut so deep
Why do I care so much what people think?
I wonder who I’d be if I didn’t have these insecurities
I don’t know what to think
Losing control of reality
Fighting voices in my head
Telling me that I’m not enough
I’m not pretty and I’m broken
I’m not worthy of love
These voices in my head
Shouting at me to give up
Silently I scream
Stop it!
I can’t take another minute
Going crazy with all this chaos
I tell my head to stop
And listen to my heart
And my heart says …
I’m DONE
With those voices in my head
I KNOW that I am enough
I am pretty, I’m not broken
I AM worthy of love
Time to give it up
Voices in my head …
Just shut up.
I am strong
Her Complex Musings 
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