Dear Beautiful Soul,
I see you.
I see how much it hurts. The pain just keeps multiplying and spreading. And yes! How right you are in thinking that the saying “Time heals all wounds” is a big old dirty pile of poo-poo.
You’re right! No one understands. How could they?! It’s frustrating, I know, sweetheart. But it’s not their fault. Nobody else on God’s great earth has walked in your exact footsteps.
So no, they don’t understand the kind of pain that bends you over and brings you to your knees like you were punched in the gut … but 10x worse than that.
They don’t understand the kind of pain that hurts so much it’s wordless and that itself makes it hurt even more because you can’t say it out loud.
Beautiful Soul, I see you. I’ve heard every single time you’ve laughed and I’ve held you every time you’ve cried. How do you think you’ve made it this far?
Repeat after me: I am going to be ok.
I know you feel safe in the bathroom so stand in front of that mirror. Say it – again and again and again. That tear-stained face being reflected at you … tell her …
She’s going to be ok.
I am going to be ok.
I AM going to be ok!
Honey, I need you to hear me. LISTEN TO MY WORDS … ! I know it’s scary to trust what anyone says but you and I, we are the same! We are in this together. I am that little whisper you sometimes hear. You told Dr. Jeff about me. You told him that you wish you could hear from me more often and that I would be louder.
Well, here I am! I will become louder the moment you start to listen and trust that I, your true Self, want nothing but the best for you!
I’ve got you.
I know it’s been a horror beyond words. Betrayal doesn’t cover it. Neither does violation. Neither does grief or heartache. No word exists for this kind of thing.
Sometimes it splits you, opens you, and spreads you apart. You find yourself trying desperately to hold together the pieces that are left. It hurts, to not know who you could have been, had things been different.
Except, it wasn’t.
Its time to accept the person you’ve become, and stop trying to be a version of you that only exists in your imagination. Pay attention to the person staring back at you. Love her!
That girl came through a crucible of fire to be standing here today. That girl is a beautiful soul.
Her Complex Musings 
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