medication – Her Complex Musings

Heart palpitations
Nausea
Nightmares
Pain at the slightest sensation on the surface of my skin
Sweating
Shivering
Phantom arm pain
Stomach cramping
Itching
Brain fog
Deep muscle and joint pain
Dizziness
Ringing ears

That is an incomplete list of things I have been experiencing over the last 12 days,

AND

I’ve survived it all! I started back on my meds yesterday so I’m hoping some of this settles a bit.

Self love is not my friend. While reflecting on recent days though I can’t help but feel a slight glimmer of something deep in my heart. I survived! 2 very challenging weeks that were filled with mental, emotional and physical pain. Yet I’m here right now – alive, intact, and conscious.

Our medical system really let me down this time. Radical acceptance of this is a tough one. But I have pulled skills from toolboxes I didn’t even know I had. This past week especially required me to often use some sort of coping skill to get from one moment to the next. My mind has been in a very dark place.

My faith has been the top thing that has carried me through. I felt like I was reliving the rock-bottom days of my drug addiction and the first days of rehab. I truly thought I was dying then – a slow painful death. I know there is a big difference between cocaine addiction and my current meds for depression, anxiety, blood pressure, and a couple of other things. Completely different situations. But that’s what all of this has felt similar to.

Today is a better day. Nausea has subsided for now. Am about to leave my house for the first time in a while. I have an idea!! And I need 2 new bookshelves for it. My dogs are also low on food so have to stock up on that. I can’t forget to pick up some Gatorade or Pedialyte as well. I told my therapist yesterday that I would pick up some sort of electrolyte replacement drink to help with the dehydration I’m experiencing. So that’s that.

Buddy is outside, trying hard to patiently wait for me. He’s laying in the walkway, and every few minutes he barks once to tell me to hurry up. Probably should have waited before I told him we were going in the car.

Buddy, waiting for me so we can go in the car ♡

SO FRUSTRATED.

I spent a good part of Thursday, Friday, Monday and today trying to track down a copy of my hospital discharge summary from a few weeks ago. It was supposed to have been faxed to my pharmacy but it wasn’t and they refuse to release my meds to me until they have that document.

Needless to say I’m feeling pretty miserable. Withdrawing cold turkey from 6 medications at once is not fun. Not to mention the fact I’m not supposed to abruptly stop any of these meds without medical supervision.

Cold shivers. Pain. So much pain deep in my bones. And itchy. That part is strange. Its like my skin is crawling. And burning. Its like I’m covered in mosquito bites, except I’m not. I also haven’t slept much in over a week now so I’m also pretty tired. And the throwing up. (I don’t know if that’s fully med related though because I was vomiting before I ran out of meds on Thursday.)

Like seriously, how does an original medical document get mailed to someone then become unaccounted for?

Tag: medication

It’s A New Day

All Out