Tag: note to self

When You Have No Words

A Girl In A Complex World

Sometimes the deepest feelings are the ones I can’t name. They’re too heavy, too tangled. Its like trying to hold water in your hand, impossible to get a grip.

Are you struggling to find the perfect words to accurately describe the weight of your experience? I want to tell you something that I wish someone had told me a long time ago:

Your silence does not make your experience any less real or valid.

If you’re carrying something that feels too big to share, please remember that your worth and strength aren’t defined by words, but by the resilience you show as you carry the weight of your truth. Some wounds may never be spoken of, but you can still heal, and you can still find peace, in your own time and in your own way.

Just Breathe

A Girl In A Complex World

Breathe …
You’re going to be okay.

Breathe …
Remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this depressed and uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you survived.

Breathe …
You can survive this too.
These feelings can’t break you. They’re excruciating, I know. But honey, you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass.
I promise!
It might not be right away, but soon, they are going to fade and it won’t feel as awful as it does right now.

Breathe …
You can do this.
And when these crushing feelings do pass, you’ll look back at this moment and wonder why you ever doubted your own resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing …
again and again.

This will pass. I promise it will pass.
Just breathe.

Dear Beautiful Soul

A Girl In A Complex World

Dear Beautiful Soul,

I see you.
I see how much it hurts. The pain just keeps multiplying and spreading. And yes! How right you are in thinking that the saying “Time heals all wounds” is a big old dirty pile of poo-poo.

You’re right! No one understands. How could they?! It’s frustrating, I know, sweetheart. But it’s not their fault. Nobody else on God’s great earth has walked in your exact footsteps.

So no, they don’t understand the kind of pain that bends you over and brings you to your knees like you were punched in the gut … but 10x worse than that.
They don’t understand the kind of pain that hurts so much it’s wordless and that itself makes it hurt even more because you can’t say it out loud.

Beautiful Soul, I see you. I’ve heard every single time you’ve laughed and I’ve held you every time you’ve cried. How do you think you’ve made it this far?  

Repeat after me: I am going to be ok.

I know you feel safe in the bathroom so stand in front of that mirror. Say it –  again and again and again. That tear-stained face being reflected at you … tell her …

She’s going to be ok.

I am going to be ok.

I AM going to be ok!



Honey, I need you to hear me. LISTEN TO MY WORDS … ! I know it’s scary to trust what anyone says but you and I, we are the same! We are in this together. I am that little whisper you sometimes hear. You told Dr. Jeff about me. You told him that you wish you could hear from me more often and that I would be louder.

Well, here I am! I will become louder the moment you start to listen and trust that I, your true Self, want nothing but the best for you!
I’ve got you.

I know it’s been a horror beyond words. Betrayal doesn’t cover it. Neither does violation. Neither does grief or heartache. No word exists for this kind of thing.

Sometimes it splits you, opens you, and spreads you apart. You find yourself trying desperately to hold together the pieces that are left. It hurts, to not know who you could have been, had things been different.

Except, it wasn’t.

Its time to accept the person you’ve become, and stop trying to be a version of you that only exists in your imagination. Pay attention to the person staring back at you. Love her!

That girl came through a crucible of fire to be standing here today. That girl is a beautiful soul.

Warrior In The Making

A Girl In A Complex World

You are a warrior!

You’re not crazy. It has all been real, and it stretched you, and at times, it has felt as if it would even kill you.
Their words broke your heart.
Their actions broke your trust.
That injury broke your body.
That illness broke your hope.
That circumstance broke your spirit.
BUT GOD…
He came to overcome it all.
And guess what?
It never broke you!
It challenged you, and it LOST!

You’re still here. You’re not “just” a survivor. You’re a fighter. You’re a warrior. And yes, you may be covered in scars, but they are scars of deaths defeat! Your scars have become a memoir of your  journey, and they tell ONLY a story of triumph!

You see, they don’t see you the same way anymore, because a warrior was birthed from the destruction and fires in your life! What was meant to kill you, didn’t and while some keep judging you for starting over, others are clapping because you never quit! You went into the flames covered in life’s grit, but came out of the fire polished in Gods grace!

The abuse, the pain, the anxiety, the bullying, the fear, the anguish, the doubt, the worry, the crushing, the pulling, the words, the moments, the days and the years – were real, but so was your strength and resilience. You did it. You survived everything they said you wouldn’t! You are still standing, and you are a WARRIOR!

Growing

A Girl In A Complex World

You did not come this far for nothing. I promise you. And deep inside your heart, you know it too.

Yet all the setbacks and all the obstacles and all the dark paths you have faced along the way make you question if you have truly made any progress at all.

Do you remember at the beginning when you could barely see the next moment? Now look at you.

You have grown. And taken chances. And fallen. And gotten back up.

And i think that if you were to be honest, you would admit that occasionally when the light shines just so onto your bedroom walls, you can see a glimmer of something. Something that wasn’t there before.

A dream, perhaps. Or a heartbeat that rises up from a place you never thought you had. You are not just trying. You are doing this.

And every step forward is a step in the right direction. Keep going darling. You’ve got places to go.

Remember, in order to get there you have to actually be here. So don’t throw in the towel just yet. Just you wait and see. Your sunshine is on its way. It won’t keep raining forever.

Note To Myself

A Girl In A Complex World

That moment where you find yourself curled up in a fetal position while you’re clutching a handful of blankets, feeling as if the entire world is spinning onward while all you can do is try to breathe through the thunder in your chest …

You will rise up from that moment. I promise. This will pass. It has to right? No particular moment will ever last forever.

Keep taking one jagged breath after the other. Counting the seconds isn’t necessary right now. Just focus on taking some oxygen in and then letting it go. Be sure to let it go though. That part is important. Don’t hold onto that air. Be sure your blanket isn’t covering your mouth. I know you think it helps you stay quiet, but darling, those days are long gone! You dont ever have to stay silent! You’re allowed to cry whenever you want. And if you want to make noise then go for it. Let those tears fall down your beautiful face. You don’t have to keep swallowing those sobs.

Right this very moment it seems like your world is crumbling. I know. But you see, I also know that this too shall pass.

You’re going to be ok. This moment will end.

You will rise up.

Your Best Is Good Enough

A Girl In A Complex World

In case no one has told you yet today, let me to be the first to say, “You really are doing enough.”  

You are here. Breathe in everything you have experienced these past few weeks. Everything that brought you to this moment.

You are choosing to be intentional about your healing journey.

And your choice is enough. 

This day … this moment … may not look like any of us thought it would look or how we wish things would be going … but I want to invite you to gently consider the truth that you are doing your best to do your best, and your best is good enough.

Promise Me

A Girl In A Complex World

that you will stay in the light, okay?

No matter what it takes

Promise me.

Pain will hunt you down

And rip you to shreds.

Its inevitable.

The waves will knock you down

Forcing air to exit your lungs.

Your heart will break

More than once.

Your soul will quiver

And you will lose your way

For a moment.

Never forget that a moment is a moment.

It won’t last forever.

Nothing lasts forever.

So don’t turn off the light.

Promise me …