Tag: poetry

■ The Mask I Wear ■

A Girl In A Complex World

by A.W Ellis


They say I’m strong, they see me smile,
“A beacon of grace,” they said for a while.
They nod, they cheer, “You’re doing so well,”
But inside, I’m trapped in my own private hell.

The world keeps spinning, I play my part,
But grief carves scars deep in my heart.
My laughter sounds hollow, my words feel fake,
Each breath I take in is a chore to make.

They see the mask I’ve carefully drawn,
A veil of strength to greet the dawn.
But behind the facade, the truth resides,
There’s a storm of sorrow I cannot hide.

The nights are lonely, my tears run free,
I speak to shadows no one can see.
My whispers are silent, filled with words I can’t say,
Its a weight I carry every single day.

I wish they knew, I wish they’d see,
This pain that’s silently drowning me.
To share my truth, though, it feels far too stark,
So I’ll just wear my mask and sit in the dark.

Strong, they call me, but thats definitely not true,
I’m just surviving, like all people do.
One day, perhaps, the mask will fade,           if I could just find peace in the life that’s remade.

Remember How Much You Like To Breathe

A Girl In A Complex World 
You say that you are hopeless, 
That you want life less than you want death ...
But if you jumped into a pool right now
I know you'd hold your breath.
So, no. You are not hopeless.
It's just that hope is hard to find.
If you could see what you're capable of, 
I know you'd change your mind.
You may be at rock bottom
But its the perfect place to start,
Where the only thing that you can hear
Is the beating of your heart.
You have to almost lose it
To remember what you've had.
There's been a share of good times Mixed in between the bad.
So don't wait for the ending,
Until your last breath starts to leave
Before you finally remember
How much you like to breathe.

Make My Life A Symphony

A Girl In A Complex World

Sometimes it’s hard to breathe
All these thoughts are shouting at me
Trying to bring me to my knees
And it’s overwhelming

Darkness echoes all around
Feels like everything is crashing down
Still I know when my hope is found
It’s only in You

You say You’re working everything for my good
I believe every word
‘Cause even in the madness, there is peace
Drowning out the voices all around me
Through all of this chaos
You were writing a symphony

I wanna truly know if You compose beautiful music
From all my unruly notes
The distance is dissonance so move in close


Now I can see for you erased the scales from my eyes
Then played the scale in my life
Chaos played off with a chord in accord
With the source prevailing through strife

I’ve tasted suffering
I’ve been embraced by the painful buffering
I’ve been bound by doubts, so loud right now
But a melody is made when you play these rusty keys

So we all gotta get pressed
Tuned up like instruments
I know life’s tempo is set
Whenever we remember this …

That even in the madness, there is peace
Drowning out the voices all around me
Through all of this chaos
You were writing a symphony

Make my life a symphony.

I See You

A Girl In A Complex World 

Tired and worn

Broken and torn

Barely keeping it together

Still holding on

Praying for dawn

Waiting for it to get better

I see you

Hoping for change

Feeling estranged

Sobbing into your hands

Filled with despair

Trying, so hard

Keeping up with the demands

I see you

It’s okay to cry

To let it out

You’ve held on to it for so long

Promise me

When you feel like giving up

You will remember

You are not hopeless

You are brave and beautiful and strong

I see you

Symphony

A Girl In A Complex World

Sometimes it’s hard to breathe
All these thoughts are shouting at me
Trying to bring me to my knees
And it’s overwhelming
Darkness echoes all around
Feels like everything is crashing down
Still I know where my hope is found
It’s in You.

You say You’re working everything for my good and I believe every word

‘Cause even in the madness, there is peace
Drowning out the voices all around me
Through all of this chaos
You are writing a symphony

Tune my heart to Your beat
Let me be Your melody
Even when I cannot see.
You orchestrate it
Even when the darkness surrounds
You’ll never let me drown
I know that my hope is found
In the name of Jesus.

And even in the madness, there is peace
Drowning out the voices all around me
Through all of this chaos
You are writing a symphony.

I want to truly know if You compose beautiful music though
From all my unruly notes.
The distance is dissonance.  

You erased the scales from my eyes
Then played the scale of my life
Chaos played out with chords in accord
With the source prevailing through strife.

I’ve tasted suffering
I’ve been embraced by the painful buffering
I’ve been bound by doubts, so loud right now
But a melody is made when you play these rusty keys.
So we all gotta get pressed
And tuned up like instruments
I know life’s tempo is set
So I must remember this …

That even in the madness, there is peace Drowning out the voices all around me Through all of this chaos you are writing a symphony

A symphony.

Author Unknown

Silenced

A Girl In A Complex World

Its hard to talk sometimes. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint – it’s a physical thing. Like it’s physically hard to open my mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with my brain the way normal people’s words do. They come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser. I stumble over them as they gather behind my lower lip.

So instead, I just keep quiet.

Silenced … once again.

It’s OK To Take A Moment

A Girl In A Complex World

If the mountain seems too big today
then climb a hill instead;
If morning brings you sadness
it’s okay to stay in bed.
If the day ahead feels heavy and your plans feel like a curse,
There’s no shame in rearranging,
don’t make yourself feel worse.
If a shower stings like needles
and a bath feels like you’ll drown;
If you haven’t washed your hair for days,
don’t throw away your crown!
A day is not a lifetime.
A rest is not defeat.
Don’t think of it as failure,
Just a quiet, kind retreat.
It’s okay to take a moment
From an anxious, fractured mind.
The world will not stop turning
While you get realigned!
The mountain will still be there
When you want to try again
You can climb it in your own time,
Just love yourself till then ..

~ Laura Ding-Edwards ~

Promise Me

A Girl In A Complex World

that you will stay in the light, okay?

No matter what it takes

Promise me.

Pain will hunt you down

And rip you to shreds.

Its inevitable.

The waves will knock you down

Forcing air to exit your lungs.

Your heart will break

More than once.

Your soul will quiver

And you will lose your way

For a moment.

Never forget that a moment is a moment.

It won’t last forever.

Nothing lasts forever.

So don’t turn off the light.

Promise me …

These Voices In My Head

A Girl In A Complex World

I wrap the blanket tighter around my chest
And whisper to myself …
I am strong
I am beautiful

I dream of the woman I wish I could be
Strong and confident
Happy and …
Free

I don’t recognize myself today
This person in the mirror staring back at me …
Where did she come from?
Is that …
Me?!

I’m fighting voices in my head
Telling me that I’m not enough
I’m not pretty, and I’m broken
I’m not worthy of love
The voices in my head are telling me
To give up

But I keep fighting.

Words …
They can cut so deep
Why do I care so much what people think?
I wonder who I’d be if I didn’t have these insecurities
I don’t know what to think
Losing control of reality

Fighting voices in my head
Telling me that I’m not enough
I’m not pretty and I’m broken
I’m not worthy of love
These voices in my head
Shouting at me to give up

Silently I scream
Stop it!
I can’t take another minute
Going crazy with all this chaos

I tell my head to stop
And listen to my heart
And my heart says …

I’m DONE
With those voices in my head
I KNOW that I am enough
I am pretty, I’m not broken
I AM worthy of love

Time to give it up
Voices in my head …
Just shut up.

I am strong