Tag: warrior

Dear Beautiful Soul

A Girl In A Complex World

Dear Beautiful Soul,

I see you.
I see how much it hurts. The pain just keeps multiplying and spreading. And yes! How right you are in thinking that the saying “Time heals all wounds” is a big old dirty pile of poo-poo.

You’re right! No one understands. How could they?! It’s frustrating, I know, sweetheart. But it’s not their fault. Nobody else on God’s great earth has walked in your exact footsteps.

So no, they don’t understand the kind of pain that bends you over and brings you to your knees like you were punched in the gut … but 10x worse than that.
They don’t understand the kind of pain that hurts so much it’s wordless and that itself makes it hurt even more because you can’t say it out loud.

Beautiful Soul, I see you. I’ve heard every single time you’ve laughed and I’ve held you every time you’ve cried. How do you think you’ve made it this far?  

Repeat after me: I am going to be ok.

I know you feel safe in the bathroom so stand in front of that mirror. Say it –  again and again and again. That tear-stained face being reflected at you … tell her …

She’s going to be ok.

I am going to be ok.

I AM going to be ok!



Honey, I need you to hear me. LISTEN TO MY WORDS … ! I know it’s scary to trust what anyone says but you and I, we are the same! We are in this together. I am that little whisper you sometimes hear. You told Dr. Jeff about me. You told him that you wish you could hear from me more often and that I would be louder.

Well, here I am! I will become louder the moment you start to listen and trust that I, your true Self, want nothing but the best for you!
I’ve got you.

I know it’s been a horror beyond words. Betrayal doesn’t cover it. Neither does violation. Neither does grief or heartache. No word exists for this kind of thing.

Sometimes it splits you, opens you, and spreads you apart. You find yourself trying desperately to hold together the pieces that are left. It hurts, to not know who you could have been, had things been different.

Except, it wasn’t.

Its time to accept the person you’ve become, and stop trying to be a version of you that only exists in your imagination. Pay attention to the person staring back at you. Love her!

That girl came through a crucible of fire to be standing here today. That girl is a beautiful soul.

Still Here

A Girl In A Complex World

A lot of us have been close to the point of not being here today. And if you’re reading this right now, I just want to say that you have more strength than you realize. Not everyone who woke up yesterday were here to wake up today. Surviving myself has been one of the biggest battles I’ve ever faced.

The fact that you are st;ll here is an incredible accomplishment and I want to be the one to tell you that I am so freakin proud of you!

Suicide.

A Girl In A Complex World

Even the word is evocative
And provocative
Charged with such emotion and energy.
Memories and thoughts of what was and what could have been
had I succeeded,
had I been successful.

A ‘Successful’ Suicide
What an oxymoron!
A failed attempt and all it leaves
Behind;
Surrounded by despair
That is now also dressed in anger.

The feelings of failure
‘I can’t even kill myself properly’
Let me die.
Please God
Let me go …….
This hurts so much.

Judgement
Where tenderness is most needed
Coldness
Where warmth and compassion are ached for

Their absence proof that staying is futile
Painful
Pointless!

I want a heart that can hear
Without defensive fear
Impatience and dismissal
Without accusations of selfishness
And attention seeking
Smirks and sneers
That cut deeply into my already fragmented self

Bring me a cup of tea
Sit with me
Don’t look away!
Show me tenderness
Truthfulness
Rawness
Be real

I’ve no interest in talks of helplessness And hopelessness
And ideation
And intention
And plans
And triggers

I need humanity
Not science
Not medical jargon

Hold my hand
Connect with me
Allow me to grieve my past self
Allow me to see myself through your eyes;
Help me see hope in you.
Give me some time and I will do the same for you.

Warrior In The Making

A Girl In A Complex World

You are a warrior!

You’re not crazy. It has all been real, and it stretched you, and at times, it has felt as if it would even kill you.
Their words broke your heart.
Their actions broke your trust.
That injury broke your body.
That illness broke your hope.
That circumstance broke your spirit.
BUT GOD…
He came to overcome it all.
And guess what?
It never broke you!
It challenged you, and it LOST!

You’re still here. You’re not “just” a survivor. You’re a fighter. You’re a warrior. And yes, you may be covered in scars, but they are scars of deaths defeat! Your scars have become a memoir of your  journey, and they tell ONLY a story of triumph!

You see, they don’t see you the same way anymore, because a warrior was birthed from the destruction and fires in your life! What was meant to kill you, didn’t and while some keep judging you for starting over, others are clapping because you never quit! You went into the flames covered in life’s grit, but came out of the fire polished in Gods grace!

The abuse, the pain, the anxiety, the bullying, the fear, the anguish, the doubt, the worry, the crushing, the pulling, the words, the moments, the days and the years – were real, but so was your strength and resilience. You did it. You survived everything they said you wouldn’t! You are still standing, and you are a WARRIOR!